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December 24th, 2004
10:35 pm - MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! hey guys! since i am not going to be back til the 31st, i am just going to say all the happy holidays now :) take care and hope to see you all soon!
Gina Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Jingle Bells
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December 22nd, 2004
11:30 pm - Home in Gilroy soo.. i have been home for a week and half now. while i love being with my family, it's starting to get on my nerves. my mom is going insane shopping for japan. we have been going out buying stuff every night getting this or that. just a few more days and i'll be getting on the plane in SFO to go to japan for 6 days, can't wait! i think we're going to tokyo, kyoto, mt fuji and a whole bunch of other places. will try to upload pics when i come back.
said goodbye to harsha last week, haven't heard from her since other than the postcard greeting on the i house listserv. i already miss her a ton! i think i am suffering from withdrawals of not talking to my peeps: alex, yannick, harsha, nikole, maura and anders. i wonder how anders is doing in sweden, i will have to grill him when he gets back for details :). ay, in the meantime, i go through every day at my house, just vegging and shopping. i don't know how much longer i can survive!! hehehee wow that sounded really dramatic when during the quarter that's all i wanted to do. :)
surprisingly enough i have met some new people since i have been home in gilroy, we'll see what happens. tomorrow evening i am going to hang out with some old friend from high school, nguyen and danny should be fun. though i think kim is mad at me that i can't hang out with her as often as she would like. i am trying as hard as i can, but parents are still watching me like i am going to break out and do bad things. it's not like they know or can control what i do when i am in san diego, but when i am home, it's the end of the world if i wanted to hang out with my friends instead of staying at home with the family. ugh!
anyhoo, i am done with this one, time to get some tv time in :) small dose of me before i update again, i think i will try to write more often.
Happy Holidays everyone! Current Mood: mellow Current Music: Dave- Do I really have nothing? (Mandarin)
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December 6th, 2004
12:18 am
You Are the Reformer |
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You're a responsible person - with a clear sense of right and wrong.
High standards are important to you, and you do everything to meet them.
You are your own worst critic, feeling ashamed if you're not perfect.
You have the highest integrity, and people expect you to be fair.
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December 4th, 2004
11:47 pm
 | You scored as Strawberry Shortcake. Don't stand for that new version crap. If you go shortcake, go shortcake all the way. . .
Shera | | 33% | Strawberry Shortcake | | 33% | Voltron | | 25% | Thundercats | | 8% | Transformers | | 0% | Heman | | 0% | Smurf | | 0% | </td>
Which 1980's Cartoon Character are you? created with QuizFarm.com |
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November 9th, 2004
04:23 am - FRUSTRATED Since this is the form of communication people prefer, all I have to say is to leave what is not their business alone. I am sick and tired of people talking about me behind my back, what happens in my life, stays my business. This is so fucking high school, it's so shady and childish. "Juicy gossip" is fine, but don't go twist the story to make it more entertaining, make up things that are not true, and DON'T go spread your twisted version around. I have never done anything to you, never said anything about you that's not true. WHY are you doing it to me? I am sick of it, leave me alone, I have been nothing to you but try to be a friend. I hate it, I hate the situation, and I am just doing the best I can to forget it. It was never your business to begin with, even if you were trying to help, it would have been better if you left it alone. You don't have all the facts, don't have the whole story, since you never talked to me about it; so leave it alone, don't mention it again. It hurts to know what happened with the rumors, to know that people I have known for only a month and a half would defend me more than someone I've known for years. And people ask why I question whether I actually have "friends". If this is how it's supposed to be good friends, to care for another when they're down, I don't need it. I cried over it even when I had a midterm on Thursday, I have been sick to my stomach thinking about it, it has left thinking why am I bothering? I have tried and tried, now I am over it, over the whole situation. I got the information at the source, I know who was twisting the story, who was the one who spread the bullshit. I already have all the facts, because I WAS THERE. So just let me get over it, let it be. Current Mood: angry Current Music: Lindsay Lohan- Rumors
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September 5th, 2003
12:59 pm - update! update! hehe yep, it's been a while since i have really written on here. as always, things get in the way when i wanna update :-p. where to start, hmmm ok, since i had such a great birthday, ill start with that :). the day before my bday (aug 21), my wonderful roommies (manda, connie, jen and krystle) took me out to dinner, it was yummy! it was a wonderful surprise to go to PF Chang's, since i have never been there before. on top of all the yummy entrees, we had the "great wall of chocolate", ohh i was in heaven!
on the actual day of my bday, i was pleasantly "surprised" by lynn coming all the day down from berkeley just for my bday! yay! gosh i love that girl, she's always been there when i needed someone to talk to, and always rational when it comes to my problems :). THANK YOU! she even baked me a bday cake :) it was soooo cool (chocolate of course), it had raspberries and blueberries. jello and lynn brought me red roses (my fav), and we went to seal beach and looked at the seals before dinner. i wasn't sure what i was expecting from the seal beach, but it was cool hanging with lynn and jello, catching up with both of them about everything. of course lynn told me all about her night with her guy (you know who i am talking about lynn :). it makes me sooo happy to see her so gleeful and giddy about it, i was sooo proud. then off to dinner at taka in downtown sd, it was soooo good! i even ate some raw fish, it was very interesting indeed. i had cake again there, i even have a polaroid pic of me in a bday hat with jello and lynn! oh and a pair of chopsticks, pretty awesome. :) afterwards, jello gave into what i wanted and drove us up to mount soledad to see the city lights at night, it was totally breathtaking, when you're up there looking down at the whole city full of people all going about their business, it's pretty humbling, you realize that your problems are not that important. overall it was totally great, i love all my friends :), thank you everybody!
it's not over yet, lynn, jello and i went to magic mountain on sat, it was scary and exciting at the same time. we started with goliath again, (it's lynn's favorite ride). that big ass drop always scares me, in the pic afterwards, it looked like i was trying to get out of the seat or something in the middle of the ride. pretty scary thought. so after i got over there, i wobbled off the ride and they dragged me onto colossus. it wasn't bad at all, until i realized that we were going to go on SREAM! freaking a, i was shaking the whole time we were in line, the stupid line sign lied too! it said there's about an hour and a half wait, but it only took about 30 minutes, so i was totally freaked, on top of that, we sat in the front, so yeah, freaking scary. go figure though that when i was on it, it wasn't that bad at all, even though jello told me that we were upside down like 7 times. i did peek out a couple times while i was screaming my head off to look that we were upside down. so after that, i thought i was going to be ok, i mean how bad can it really get right? WRONG. i was ok all the way in line for batman, until i was on the ride and got banged around so many times that i thought i was gonna die! i was too scared and screaming too much that i didn't even open my eyes at all. i could barely get out of the seat when the ride stopped. mercifully, we decided not to go on X, though lynn didn't feel well, poor girl. we figured we would go to dinner so that might help her feel better. i was in the mood for jambalaya, so we went to cpk. it was sooo yummy :).
after dinner we went to longs drugs to get lynn some medicine, she totally didn't feel well, and went to potty. jello got hella freaked out and asked me to go check up on her. thankfully, she felt better after the potty break, so we just chilled at the store, we both bought some lip gloss and she bought a purty scarf. we all piled into the car and drove back to sd, on the way there, lynn and jello decided to tell me ghost stories, the ones mike told her and jello added on about some old houses have ghosts. since our house is about 30 years old, i didn't wanna spend the night at my house alone. i wanted to hang out with lynn some more before she left anyway, so i packed up my stuff and went to jello's with them and spent the night. it was pretty cool, though the thingy i was lying on kept digging into my back. eh, it was worth it, i got to hang out with lynn a little longer :). the next morning, we took her to the airport and jello drove me home. i vegged in front of the tv and kept thinking about stuff. it was pretty cool, realized how lucky i am to have such great friends and i am very grateful.
oh! jello, lynn and i are going to see dashboard confessional sept 21! thanks for the ticket jello!
yep, that's my bday account, my friends from back home called steadily throughout the day to wish me a happy bday, justin even sent me a card! thanks dude! :) nguyen called and talked me for a while, he's always there when i need him, i miss that dork! i was kinda bummed that lisa didn't call or anything. later on i found out that she texted me, but i never got it. i guess it's ok then.
lately i have been having some issues with jello. it's something that he doesn't realize that he does. i mean we're really great friends and all, but only when it's just the two of us. people rarely see that we're great friends when they are hanging out with us. we argue and everything, he ignores me sometimes and even treats me like crap in front of other people. eh, it really bugged me, even got really upset over it, had some talks with people, and finally came to the conclusion that i had to confront him and let him know how i felt. i wasn't sure i even wanted the save the friendship at that point. last weekend he was pretty preoccupied with some girls in his life, which was cool. i understand, but the way he talked to me really pissed me off. so i had a talk with him over pho the other night and i think it's ok now. things are still a little awkward with us, but i guess that'll go away with time.
on top of that, i called lisa after i found this cd that she made for me when we graduated from high school. i listened to it, got really sad that we lost that friendship and called her. we had a long talk about things and i can tell that she's working really hard to rebuild this frienship. i am not really sure how i feel, i know i'll be there for her when she needs me i guess, always have been. it's just difficult to get over some of the lies she has told me before. issues, years of it that i can't realy get over yet, time will heal i think. she told me that she finally broke up with him this time, but i am not sure if that's really true. this has happened way too many times before, we'll see. in the meantime, ill just talk to her.
mike paid me the coolest compliment the other day, he said i have a cool lj :) cool looking one anyway, i rarely update :-p thanks mike!
some random updates: i cleaned my room last night, ironed my clothes til 3, and woke up snoozing my alarm for about 10 times. i am taking a bartending course! i am currently trying to memorize the recipes for the drinks. they have some very intersting names to say the least. oh and i bought a superman lunchbox for my brother at magic mountain! :) i wanted to keep it for myself, but i think i am too old for it, it's cool nonetheless. anyway, that's about i think, there are some other stuff, but i have to sort them out in my head first before i write it into words. hope everyone is having a great summer :) call me sometime and we'll catch up! Current Mood: chipper Current Music: Shania Twain- Forever and For Always
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September 2nd, 2003
01:41 pm - Bored at work... woke up this morning attacking my new projection alarm clock :). got to work about a couple of hours ago, just a little tired. had a pretty interesting weekend, crappy issues with jello, issues with lisa and confused about rodel. so yeah, will try to write more when i get home, promised lynn i would. have a great day! Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Train: Calling All Angels
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July 13th, 2003
09:45 pm - Content :) it's been a while since i have updated, but i feel like doing that tonight, so here i am. life with me has been kinda boring, since all i really do are school and work. i work a massive amount of hours, and i have class 6 hours a week. my class has been pretty cool, i like the professor, his style promotes my learning and he makes me think. speaking of which, i have a paper due on tuesday, i should probably start cracking, eh that's for tomorrow :). life has been fun at the house with the girls, they all have different personalities, but it's been so much fun getting to know them better and learn to live with friends. any of you that know me knows that i am a very picky person, it's hard for me to try and share my space with others, but with my cool roommmates, it was surprisingly easy and fun. we are having a housewarming party this next friday (18th) anytime after noon. i am sure it's going to be cool, i am looking forward to it.
hmmm, that was a very brief update of what's been going on in that last month or so in my life. i did go home, parents nagged like crazy, but i had a great time with my brother and sister. i did read the latest harry potter book and can't wait til the next one comes out (i heard from someone that it might come out in dec, not sure though). been catching up with reading that i missed doing during the school year, reading some books like "Gone WIth the Wind" it's such a sad book, i try to read it in small increments.
i got a fish a while back named Fruity, it's a Betta with very pretty rainbow colors, thus the name Fruity, trying again with the fish thing, we'll see how it goes. i went with Manda to Petco down the street and couldn't resist buying another Betta that has red color and blue tints, it was so feisty and alive that i couldn't not buy it. i named it Rocky for it's vitality. i am not sure that makes sense. anyway, i wanted to buy a parakeet, but not sure if should, since we might live in an apartment next year. eh, two fishies are good enough for me right now.
that was as far as i got last night, today was uneventful, just kinda tired, i wanna sleep, but i have to finish a paper. maybe ill update tomorrow. good night :) Current Mood: blah Current Music: Some Asian Guy :)
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July 9th, 2003
09:07 am i wish it were true...
 You are a goddess!
Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You? brought to you by Quizilla
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08:50 am
 EVERYTHING : You belong in a small percentage of Asian females who are an all-round-little-bit-of-everything group. You don't have an accent, but you can speak your own language a little too. You shop at many stores including Forever 21, Rave, and Abercrombie. You own several pairs of platforms and those cute neon colored thongs. Stop being indecisive.
What Asian Girl Are You? VISIT HTTP://JEALOUSY.TK
did i mention that i am bored at work and am trying to wake up? :-P
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08:36 am they say i am this symbol... i don't know...
 LOVE is your chinese symbol!
What Chinese Symbol Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
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08:20 am i am Dory!
 What Finding Nemo Character are You? brought to you by Quizilla
will update later as soon as i have internet set up on my laptop. :) Current Mood: optimistic Current Music: Daniel Bedingfield: If You're Not the One
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June 5th, 2003
12:18 am - a very long day, even longer night.... this morning i couldn't sleep. finally when i did fall asleep listening to tv on my other laptop, only to freaking wake up this morning realizing that i slept through my 8 am class. ughh!! soo all day long i felt disoriented like something is off. so i went to pick up a package over at mail services this morning before work. turns out my friend oneil sent me a package with a postcard and a miniature replica of the eiffel tower in paris. it was such a sweet gesture! damn, i never realized how much i missed my friends from back home until today. i mean i know it was bad when he came to visit and i felt sooo homesick that i called and talked to people all day. sometimes when things get really bad here, i think back to how much i wanna relive the last year of high school. i guess for me right now those were the good old days. i miss that and i want it back. i have great friends here too, but we share a different bond that's just not the same, we all hang out, but we lead different lives, involved in different things, it's not the same way we all shared our activities in high school. i mean with oneil, tulsi, nguyen, danny and many others, we shared FBLA, as dorky as it sounds, i miss the days where we worked late hours and weekends to finish a project or speech. eh, just talking about it makes me wanna cry. i still talk to nguyen and kim frequently, tulsi goes here so we chat, but with oneil, i rarely see him at all. we talk online occasionally, but it's not the same. he's such a great guy, i wish we had gone to the same school. oh and he wrote me a really cool note telling me what he was doing over there in paris during spring break. :) i have to thank him tomorrow when i see him online.
then i went to work, i am starting to totally feel like a part of the office team. :) my new boss Tammy is really cool that she doesn't really care that i am online or chatting on AIM. we talked about stuff in life, and things that are bothering her and me. i am sooo glad that i got this job. :) oh and i got my first pay check today too! for the first time, i feel like i have really earned the money i spend, well it's true, this is the first "real" pay check i have earned by myself. working for my parents before is just not the same. i think secretly my parents are glad that i am working and getting more responsibilities (even though they opposed to me getting a job before). so i was at work for like 5 hours, sorting through paperwork and working on a project this lady named veronica had me helping her. it was totally awesome.
so after work i came back on campus and got food. which was my first meal of the day. it's weird how lately, i don't really eat too much, or just that i forget to eat. yesterday i didn't even eat til like 5 cause i couldn't remember whether i had eaten breakfast or not, so i just didn't eat, since my body doesn't feel like i am hungry by then anymore. eh, just a thought. anyway, came home, checked my email, ate my food, and then went to class. the three hour long ass class on wednesdays, it was meeting for the last time tonight. it was really cool tonight for some reason, it went by sooo fast! i think it's because she was talking about things that i actually cared about. she was talking about my parents, and what they went through when they were teenagers. that really peaked my interest. so after class, i was feeling a little sad, cause just when i am really getting interested in the class, it ended, i am sure i won't feel that way when i am working on the final paper.
so after class, i went to the library to get some books so i can do my research paper tonight. i was there from around 8-9. the freaking library is sooo anal about checking out reserved books, i had to wait exactly after 9 so that i could check it out all night and return it tomorrow morning. eh, that was annoying. so when i came home, i persuaded jello to go with to earl's. by then i was starving, so i got food and coffee and jello asked me to work on my paper over here so he could get work done. so i brought all my crap over here and right now i should really get stuff done, but i don't feel panicky yet, so i probably won't until around 2 or 3.
what was really interesting about tonight were the conversations i had with jello. i mean mostly it was me talking while he was doing his work. we discussed about the guys i was dating and how i felt about them. occasionally he'd take a little time off his work and respond or elaborate on what he thought about that. he mentioned several times that i should probably look online to see what an asian guy's thingy looks like since i have never seen one before. that was kinda weird. i have no desire to know what an asian guy's thingy looks like, since i am not attracted to them at all really. i mean there are of course exceptions, there are some really hot asian men out there, but in general, they are not too much to awe about. jello was telling me that i should probably keep dating and put myself out there to try and see how things work out. he went on about how i won't really find true love unless i put myself out there. i am not sure how i feel about that, i'd have to think about it. plus, he keeps talking about how if i had mind blowing sex, then i'd crave it more.... eh, that's an interesting thought. yeah, those are my random thoughts for the night/day. maybe ill write more after i turn in this god forsaken paper. i will finish by 9 damn it! night :) Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: Dashboard Confessional: Screaming Infidelities
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May 29th, 2003
02:12 am - tired eh, what can i say, tired all around. still have lab to do. going to be a busy weekend/week. going to be short today. oh well. going to bed soon, waking up early to do work. night Current Mood: bitchy Current Music: J Lo: All I Have
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May 25th, 2003
01:46 pm - another long day yesterday was one of those days that you truly wish it never happened. i woke up bright and early at 12. ran errands, cleaned my room and came home around 2 to get ready to go out with jeremiah. he was late because he got stuck in traffic, which made it worse, i hated the anticipation. finally after trying on like 5 shirts, i am ready and waiting. he came in and tried and see if he could fix my dumb computer. that didn't work. then we headed out to clair de lune in north park and we sat there and talked. it was very cool, we have a lot of things in common and same likes and dislikes of different things in life. we talked and talked and seriously didn't even notice as 3 hours came and gone. finally, i had to go to the restroom, but it was soooo gross, i suggested we leave. so we went to royal thai cuisine in downtown la jolla. he ordered some noodles and i ordered my usual: rama (just vegetables with tofu in peanut sauce). we talked and it was sooo misleading, feeling like we were actually connecting. then i suggested the worst thing possible, i said we could rent a movie and go back to my place to watch it. there the conversation died of course. by the end, he was half asleep and just left after bidding me a brief goodbye and a hug.
i am not sure what i was expecting, but certainly not just that. i don't know what it is, i don't know what i wanted him to do, but because the conversation seemed like it was soooo i don't know, interesting and almost like a bonding experience, i thought it would lead to maybe a suggestion of another date. of course again, i was proven wrong. i don't even know if he's the guy i would like to be committed to, but i do know that i would like to have another opportunity to get to know him better. eh. i hate this feeling of aniticipation. it's now the day after, and i am suffering from this uneasy feeling of waiting for him to either call or talk to me online, or of course he don't do either one of those things at all. that would mean i am just sitting here wasting my time. what the hell am i doing? why am i feeling all this crap for a guy that i have only spent a minimal amount of time with? gees!!!! somebody kill me or smack me over the head.
it's all brian's fault, ugh, i guess i can't blame it all on him. i did learn a lot of things when i was with him, and because of that, i can't go out with anyone without feeling like i want to give my best effort to make it work. trust me people, i may not look like it, but when i was in high school, i could totally date people and don't care whether it went anywhere or not. not that i am slut that goes around, but i just enjoyed going out with new people and getting to know them without feelings attached. now that's not happening, and it's very frustrating. ughhh!!!
that's enough of that. after the "date" with J, i went with lynn and jello to the srtv party. it proves to me again that the party scene is not really my thing. watching drunk/half drunk people making a fool of themselves and claiming they are "just having fun and relaxing" just don't appeal to me. as many of you know, i think paul is totally cute and the coolest person to talk to (not that i have talked to him that much), but after seeing him drunk and the way he was acting, it had a very repelling effect on me. that's just me i guess, i mean it's not a big deal if he was drinking, but it's just a big turnoff to see someone you are kinda interested in or something making a fool of themselves. maybe it'd be different if i was drinking too, but i wouldn't know since i have never really drank before. oh well. that was that.
so i woke up this morning feeling like an idiot for all that's happened with J last night and maybe i should've tried a little harder to have fun at the party. i especially feel really bad for having to drag lynn from the party since i was the dd last night and i didn't feel like being there anymore. she was having so much fun, sometimes i wish i could throw my inhibitions in the wind and be more like her. she keeps me sane too, so i love that chica to death! she was extremely patient and talked to me about things to help me put things into perspective.
now i don't know what i am going to do, ill probably go to lunch with brian's ex roommate halid, he's a totally cool college professor and insists on thanking me because i gave him my rapid rewards tickets from southwest. they were going to expire anyway, so it's not a big deal. eh. me going to go now, ill update later if anything intersting happens. have a great day Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Stretch Princess: Freak Show
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May 22nd, 2003
05:46 pm - one of those days... again this is the third time i am trying to get this stupid post up on livejournal. well in regards to last night, i seriously think that it was pretty bad. brian called me up last night to go pick him up from work because his car broke down. i was supposed to drop everything just so i could go get him right then. of course, the more he pushed, the more i resisted. i hated the fact that i felt responsible for him and had to be there for him because he's down here for me. what he doesn't understand is that, i didn't break up with him on a whim. i have thought about it long and hard, agonized it over for a while and realized that we are not right for each other and not compatible at all. talking to him last night opened up the floodgates again and i was crying non stop. i wasn't crying over losing him, i was crying over the fact that i wish he was someone that i wanted. eh. it just sucked.
on a much happier note, i have a great friends that were there for me last night. thank you justin for yelling at me so i realized what i was doing. when brian called, i felt so guilty that i was going to get him right away, but justin made me realize that i should be strong and make him understand i won't be at his beck and call. i have other things i have to deal with. thanks justin! i always need a real dose of reality check. lynn was great by just being there for me, silently giving me comfort and risking injury to burst into my space bubble to come hug me. words cannot express how thankful i am to have great friends :). then there's jello, i know he means well, but what he said to me really hurt. i know he was manipulated by what's her face and he's put up a wall against people like her and brian; but it was really hard to hear him be so cold about things. i guess i was pretty cold back to him too. i left the studio right after the show was over last night and jello tried to catch up with me, but i just needed to be alone, so i hope he doesn't think i was mad at him or anything. although after talking to lynn last night, i think he might have been following me just to make sure i am fine walking by myself. whether that's true or not, it was a comforting thought.
ill forget brian and move on. i am done with him after last night.
that's about it with my interactions with people. i am currently talking with this really cool guy named jeremiah (still trying to figure out what to call him). he and i connect intellectually, and we never run out of things to talk about. we're going to hang out on sat, we'll see how that goes. with my luck, something really bad is going to happen, let's cross our fingers that it doesn't. anyway, i am done with my update. let's hope i write on here again soon. since we all know how i am with writing on here regularly. anyway, have a great day! Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: Michell Branch: Goodbye to You
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May 18th, 2003
10:43 pm - Hurting After almost two years, i finally figured out that i have never been "in love" with Brian, more like i love him. i love him because i truly care for him, but it's not the kind of love that would make my toes curl or feel like he's the "one" for me. i broke it off about two weeks ago, i guess it hasn't really hit me until now that i really miss him. i know i have to be strong and stick to my decision but damn it, tonight i started to cry and don't know how to stop. i talked to my friend Russel for like an hour, seriously cried most of the time i was on the phone and i am not even sure what i can do to stop hurting. it's like a floodgate has opened and don't know how to stop.
i made a big mistake by calling lisa after trying to reach nguyen and got his answering machine. why do i never learn that some people seriously don't know how to comfort people? lisa never knows how to do that, i feel worse after talking to her. after picking up the phone and realizing that i was crying my eyes out, all she could say was that i should really be talking to brian and telling him how i feel instead of talking to her. so yeah, that made me feel like shit, more so than before i talked to her.
so now i am left with the feeling of loss and this weak voice in my head telling me that i should call brian and talk to him because that's really comforting. but so far i have been able to squash that voice, knowing that it'd be a mistake to call him and give him any hope that we'd work out. not sure what to do anymore, whether to call friends and try to have them comfort me or just try and go to sleep. i am so confused
my roommate is sitting on her bed giggling like an idiot over something on tv and i know it's not fair, but i just wanna yell at her and tell her to shut the hell up!!!
my heart hurts. my eyes hurt from crying and i don't know what to do. i am not sure i am feeling better for writing stuff out, but i guess this is my outlet. i don't know what's wrong with me, lately it feels like all my relationships with people are in shambles. finding out that my best friend for like all my life is someone who lies to me frequently and uses me only when she needs me. my parents gets mad at me over various different things, nothing i do is ever good enough. there are more things that i don't even wanna go through right now. and finally there's brian (need i say more). what am i doing wrong? that's enough venting on here, i am going to try and sleep to pass out. hopefully not thinking. Current Mood: drained Current Music: All American Rejects: Swing Swing
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December 31st, 2002
01:15 am hey everyone! i haven't updated in a long time on this thing. can't really sleep tonight and nobody's online so i am writing on here to get some things off my mind. it's been a long break already for me. for some reason i don't really feel rested or relaxed. everyday there's something new or chore that i have take care of for my parents, but it's all good i guess.
after coming back from UCSD for the second time this break (i went down there again with family to go to sea world, knotts berry farm and stuff), i came back to take care a lot of things for my parents. my brother and sister just recently started karate, so of course i had to take care of that. needed to take care of passports today for my dad at the chinese consulate in san francisco, so we shopped at chinatown and me got a haircut! it was soo cool, the hair dude taught me how to style my hair and stuff so that i don't look like a frizz ball that often. thank goodness! afterwards, we came back and went to my uncle's house for dinner, it was nice to sit there and listen to my parents and uncle and aunt gossip about people and so on, some things never really change. for some reason that really warms me up inside knowing that no matter how i do in school and in life, my parents and family will always be there for me to support me and stuff. yeah i know my parents yell at me and stuff, but i think i have found a new way to ward off these attacks. i figure i'll just shut up and tune them out :) yeah it's not the best way to do it, but it's the most effective way. hehe
let me update you guys on some stuff that i have done over break. i spent christmas with brian and his brother and sister, they are pain in the asses. especially his sister, she took over an hour to get ready to go out with us and we had to sit there and wait for her, it was most annoying. brian did his best to try and make me feel better but most of all i felt bad for him, it just seemed like his brother and sister just wanted to make him spend money on them and not really spending too much time with brian himself. so yeah finally we got out the door and went to mercado for the movies, and we watched a foreign dubbed version of pinocchio. i hated it, it was soo corny and cheesy, but i guess brian's brother liked it, he is at an age that stuff believes in the corny lines. so we took them home and brian and i went back to gilroy and i had to go home. it was a pretty boring christmas. but it was still cool though, my mom called me and we all went over to my uncle bob's house for christmas dinner. i had a lof fun trying to teach my little cousins to use their way over prices computer that my aunt judy insisted that she had to have. so yeah we all sat and talked, it was nice to know that i am old enough to talk with the adults now. (dude today some lady in chinatown said i look like i am 15 or 16, i am not sure i should be insulted or complimented). overall it was a good christmas, i spent half of it with brian and half of it with my family.
tomorrow i am going out with nguyen, danny and oneil, i still have to take care of my passport and my mom's. so it'll be a long day. it's new year's eve so i had invited brian to come to dinner with all of us, he invited some of his friends too. i sure hope that they can all get along and everything.
last thing to talk about is how things are with me and brian. i am not sure what i think. i mean i know i still care deeply for him, but at the same time i keep wondering if i am not just wasting his and my time. but some happened as i was coming back from LA that one night and i realized that even through tough times he's always been there for me and loves me unconditionally. i know my friends accept me for who i am without question, but his acceptance is of a different kind. it's kinda hard to explain but it really made me appreciate him a lot more than i thought i ever would. anyway, we're still as we were before, just dating. i am still not ready for that kind of commitment again after what happened last time. brian and i are growing closer, but there are times that i wanna kill him cause he makes me so mad! oh well, can't really figure all that out tonight. good night you guys! hope you guys are having great breaks :)write to me sometime :-P Current Mood: mellow Current Music: avril lavigne- i'm with you
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December 5th, 2002
12:43 am - back again it's been a while since the last time i wrote on here. sooo much has happened! i am single again. complicated things happened with brian so we're no longer together. we're friends now, although my friends are unclear as to our relationship. i am not even sure i know exactly what and how our relationship is. i just don't want to think about it too much. lately, i have just been thinking that i should just let things happen and don't worry too much as to how much i can control them. had such a long day with just everything. had classes, then went shopping with manda, mo, and jen chen. we had to rush cause all of us had to come back to campus, so we didn't really get much, at least mo got what she needed, so i don't feel so bad for rushing them. so i dropped them off, went to boba bliss, talked to the owner cindy for a while and decided that the CORE boba bliss nights are totally not going to fly this time around so i decided to pospone it til next quarter. so i came back went to CORE meeting and then came back, convinced jello to stop by boba bliss again to tell cindy we're not going to do the boba nights, went to callahan's with jello for wing night. it was really cool meeting the people that jello hangs out with from church. they are such awesome people. had really great terriyaki wings as well. brian called a few times, ugh, it's awkward sometimes talking to him. so i finally came home and i went to return some books to justin and talked to lynn for a bit. then went to jello's to work out our finals week schedule for studying. so now i feel more content with everything that i know which direction i am headed for the next week and a half. not so worried about finals anymore. FINALLy then i came home and started chatting online with people. i met this really cool guy friend of lynn's like 2 nights ago and we have been chatting since. like we talk about everythign and it's nice to talk to a guy who has wit and intelligence that matches or even higher than mine. maybe it's the online business, but we talked for hours and didn't run out of conversation until we both had to go to bed. i definitely think that it'd be great to be friends with him, anything beyond that i am sooo NOT going to think about. hmm... let's see what else is new in my life. i just talked to my nguyen. gosh we're such great friends, we can seriously talk for hours and never get bored. i am so glad that i have friends like him that are always there for me. thank you lynn for being there when i needed you :) you know when that was. anyway, i think i am done with this installment of livejournal regarding my life. adios. hasta luego :) Current Mood: thankful Current Music: Avril Lavigne: I'm With You
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September 28th, 2002
02:20 pm - im back yes, i am back on livejournal. not that i was ever really on here much. today is one of those days that i truly realize who really cares about me and those who are just passing by in my life. last night i basically cried my eyes out, with brian on the phone and oceans eleven playing in the background. brian was there for me, stayed on the phone even though he didn't know what to say or do to stop my tears, called me at 3am and 5am to remind me that he's simply there for me and that he'll love me forever and ever. the reasons for my tears are really too personal to be shared on here, but i never realized just how much brian has always been there for me and continue to do so everyday even with his "male cluelessness". i know this doesn't really make sense to anybody, but this entry is really just for me to release some of the feelings i have inside. i know that people have their lives and it's not that easy to take the time out to let others know you care about them. but i just want to remind all my friends that i truly care about them, whether i talked to them yesterday or last year. thank you for all those who have always been there for me. i hope you all have a brian out there for you when you're knee deep in kleenex.
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